So I actually got back from Amsterdam almost a month ago buuuuut I’ve been a busy bee and the photos aren’t going to go out of of date, so HERE THEY ARE.
After a nice early morning (neither me or Kayla are good at functioning at 3am), we got to sunny gatwick, just in time for Kayla to get visa checked. What a great start! We head for breakfast and a drink and before we know it, we’re off the shortest plane ride ever and out into the BLISTERING heat of Dam.
Seriously, it was nice that it was nice and sunny, but CHRIST that was something else. Lugging a suitcase around in 30 degree heat was definitely an experience, but then again, the whole weekend was.
Since we booked this trip two weeks before we flew, so when it came to hotels there were pretty slim pickings, so in a bit of an emergency, the Old Quarter Hotel was the best we could find, and honestly, while it may not have been the most aesthetically pleasing hotel, it was clean, in a fab location (slap bang in the red light district) AND had a cat in the bar downstairs. What could be better?
Our room is in a separate annexe, the only room with a private bathroom. And that was definitely necessary. There’s already four of us using this one bathroom, we don’t need to add any strangers to that equation too. Our room had windows facing a side alley, which as odd as it sounds was actually quite pretty anyway, great for a window selfie. The only issue of said windows were that they meant we could hear EVERYTHING going on outside, including the 6am bin men picking up the recycling, which means there was a lot of bottle smashing going on. Cue flashbacks to working at Wetherspoons. Other benefits include a wet room that means when you drop your shower jelly it slides across the entire room and stairs so savage that one flight is equivalent to six days cardio.
Okay so here’s a list of all the highly cultural food we consumed:
- Dunkin’ Donuts
- A burger at the Amsterdam Tower
- Dinner in a local Italian
- Dunkin’ Donuts (again)
- Burger King
Absolute tourists. We were literally the least cultural people out there. Actually I tell a lie, we tried a taster of a stroopwafel in the airport. On the way back. We’re the worst. In our defence, I’ve never seen so many fast food restaurants in such a close proximity to each other. A McDonalds on EVERY corner. But that’s what the munchies demand. If we had more time there we’d probably have eaten some less basic stuff, but here we are – basic people.
The Things to Do
Okay so as it turns out, two days in Amsterdam is definitely not enough. We could have done with another day or two at least. There’s a lot to do and a lot to explore and it turns out, loads of things to see and do are really CHEAP.
After our Wagamamas, which was naturally the first thing we did after checking into our hotel, we decided to have a wander around the nearby markets on the canal. They sell ALL kinds of stuff. Naturally, I have to try on five different pairs of sunglasses, because I have a problem (I’ve currently got 17 pairs in my collection), while the boys look at some very hippie clothes and a few wooden penis carvings. Rock and roll.
Next is just pure exploration. We get an uber back to our hotel and go for a wander around our area, just to get a feel for it. Turns out it can get HOT to walk around Amsterdam for hours. At this point I’m seriously regretting the full black jumpsuit because I am boiling in my own blood. What a charming analogy. We walk around for a couple of hours while I snap away before heading back to the hotel for a while to put ourselves back together and shower off this sweaty day. Kayla decides to strip the colour out of her hair while I nap which really threw me off when I woke up, I went to sleep and she had pink hair, I woke up and she was blonde. That’s confusing. Luckily I wake up to Jamie bringing us our cultural KFC. It’s a good day.
As it gets dark we head back out to see what the red light district really has to offer, other than some very friendly ladies. We do some laps around the canals (okay, we do some laps around ALL THE WINDOWS, thanks lads) and take advantage of all the exercise we seem to be getting. Living in a country as conserved as England, it’s very bizarre to see everything that’s going on over here, and so brazenly.
Not ones to miss out on the experiences, we made the decision to go to a peep show. That was interesting. Me and Kayla go into a booth together, ready to comfort each other about whatever it was we were about to see. We expected to just see a nice lady having a bit of a dance in her underwear but we were VERY wrong. As it turns out we got to see two whole minutes of a lady and gentleman having full ~relations~ on a spinning bed. And all for two euros.
Fully rested despite the bottle bins being emptied outside, day two was the day for being PROPER TOURISTS.
After a quick look around the shops with Kayla, we grab a quick Dunkin’ Donuts breakfast before we collect the boys and head off to our first tourist destination, the Heineken Experience. And that it was, I thought it’d just be wandering around a brewery for a few hours, but there were light shows, photo booths, a really jazzy basement bar and a horse. It was great fun. Straight after that we headed to the Amsterdam Tower to freak my parents out with photos of us on the A’DAM Lookout. On such a nice day, it was really nice to sit and drink wine (I was bored of Heineken by that point) on a roof with loud music and beanbags. And then swing out over the edge at 100m up. As you do.
We headed down to the restaurant after that and grabbed a bite to eat and a quick photoshoot opportunity (that building was serious Instagram goals) before heading back to the hotel for a quick nap. Later that evening, Kayla and I went and sat out by the canal while the boys were taking forever. Seriously, we’re in Amsterdam, let’s go and SEE STUFF. Once we finally got the boys out the door, we headed out with one goal in mind. Get a photo with a penis statue. So back to the main red light canal we go. Sex museums can be odd. That’s all I have to say about it, but I’ll leave you with this:
Two whirlwind days in Amsterdam later and I’m asleep on the plane home, and in the car home, and then in my bed. God it’s a tiring place, but tbh I can’t wait to go back.