Taking Myself Back

I’m well known amongst my family and friends for being famously hard on myself for just about anything. Pushing myself to the very limit until I’m teetering on the edge of my fifth breakdown of the month and then wondering why.

Whether it was forcing myself into posting religiously three times a week on my old blog and stressing myself out about it to the point where all enjoyment was gone, or booking myself into five gym classes a week and feeling guilty if I was too tired to make all of them, I can just never seem to give myself a break.

I’ve learned my lesson the hard way over the last six months. As summer ended and we began to head into autumn, the impending fear of my SAD kicking in, so I immediately threw myself into just about every extra-curricular activity I can. I started back up at the gym, took up pole fitness lessons, got a second job, found a ballroom and latin class, threw myself fully into my photography and all while going out with friends drinking every weekend. Not to mention a few sick days off of work I had to take because I’d burned myself out so badly that I couldn’t get out of bed for how ill I was.

Putting myself through this from about October to February is what it took me to break. Being constantly stressed and under pressure and emotional pushed me to seek help once again. Going to the doctors for the first time for my mental health was a relief in a way, having what I’ve been feeling in myself for the last three years finally validated and defined.

I’ve been on anti-depressants for about a month and a half now, and by no means is it an instant fix. Which means I’ve also had to work hard on… working less hard. Cue some weekend lie-ins (probably more than a lie-in, it’s usually til about 12pm), learning to say no, and taking the time to appreciate being by myself, something I used to struggle with, whether that be hibernating on the PS4 for a while, a nice long Lush bath or a quiet night reading in bed. I’m still a work in progress since I seem to be allergic to getting early nights (although I did go to bed at 10pm last week and it was BLISS), but I’ve started focussing on me just that little bit more.

Differently to how I usually would. Instead of the usual “how am I progressing?” or “how is this helping me move forward?” it’s much more “do I need to take a break?” and “is this going to help me unwind?”. The gym is a distant thought in the back of my head while I focus on pole, I spend waaaay more time at home (which also helps with the money issues), I can focus better at work and overall I just feel… happier.

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30 Comments

  1. April 22, 2018 / 8:09 pm

    I love this post – such a great read! I definitely agree on knowing when to take a break – this is something I need to work on with myself.

    I’m so happy your feeling a little better and thinking a little differently

    lots of love x

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 8:48 pm

      Thank you Gracie!

  2. April 22, 2018 / 8:15 pm

    Focusing on yourself is very very important. It’s ok to take time for yourself and to get your mind right. Trust me I’ve been there. January was a tough month for me so I didn’t have a choice but to take a step back. I’m glad everything is working out for you.

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 8:47 pm

      Thank you! I hope you’re feeling better now lovely!

  3. April 22, 2018 / 8:23 pm

    So glad you feel happier and I can really relate to this post! I literally stress myself so much when the slightest thing goes wrong that I literally can’t think about anything but that and that’s when the anxiety kicks in but I’m doing so much better this year and I’m glad you are too!
    With Love Yossy

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 8:49 pm

      Oh I know EXACTLY how you feel, I’m glad to hear you’re doing better as well! x

  4. April 22, 2018 / 8:25 pm

    Ok this resonates with me. I am just like you. I just can’t seem to find the happy medium and knowing when to stop. I have to throw 200% in and feel guilty if I’m only giving 150. I think this may be why I fizzle out quick. I put all my time and energy and then crash and burn. Good luck with the AD’s. If you ever need a chat, I’m always happy to talk! Take care x

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:17 pm

      We’re definitely very similar, I know EXACTLY what you mean! Thank you lovely xx

  5. April 22, 2018 / 8:30 pm

    This was a really insightful post. I’m glad you’re feeling better and finding balance in your life! Whilst it’s good to keep busy, it’s so, so important to focus on self-care and remember it’s not only ok, but necessary, to take time-out sometimes. I hope you stay positive and keep focusing on happiness!

    Mary Kate | http://hellomissmarie.com

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:18 pm

      Thanks my lovely! xx

  6. Rachael
    April 22, 2018 / 8:31 pm

    This was a brave post, learning to say no is one of the things I am working on at the moment. I love your photos and your bedsheets are amazing!

    Rachael ~ geminiexplicit.blogspot.co.uk

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:19 pm

      Thank you sweet, it’s definitely something worth learning! xx

  7. April 22, 2018 / 8:43 pm

    This speaks so much to me. I’ve been there and it’s tough. It’s a tough road to walk down but you will get through those tough times and feel the good times so much more.
    Or I did anyway. It’s your journey so be you, do you and remember to be your own cheerleader because you are awesome!!

    Love your blog posts this one had me.

    Much love
    Holly
    http://heyitsok.co.uk

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:19 pm

      Thank you Holly, that really means a lot! xx

  8. April 22, 2018 / 8:44 pm

    It’s so hard to consider ‘time for yourself’ as an important part of progress. Really well written and I’m glad you’re feeling a little better!

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:21 pm

      Thank you lovely! It’s definitely something I’m working on! x

  9. April 22, 2018 / 8:51 pm

    I’m sorry about all the breakdowns you’ve had. I know it’s tough dealing with all this, but as long as you have good friends and family by your side, anything is possible. It’s also good to take time off every now and then. Being able to focus on yourself is so so important.

    cabin twenty-four

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:33 pm

      Thank you! It’s something I’m working on but I know I’ll get there!

  10. April 22, 2018 / 9:00 pm

    I could relate to this in so many ways! In order to be the best version of yourself you have to take a break and rejuvenate! ❤️

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 22, 2018 / 9:33 pm

      100%! It’s something I’m still learning to do but I’ll get there!

  11. April 22, 2018 / 9:56 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about your breakdowns :(. Things can get tough sometimes and it’s important to take a step back to reconsider things. I’m glad you took a break and trying to do more self-care activities. Hope you’ll continue to get better – one step at a time :).

    exquisitely.me

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 23, 2018 / 9:27 pm

      Thank you lovely, it means a lot x

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      April 25, 2018 / 6:31 pm

      Thank you!!

  12. July 5, 2018 / 3:11 pm

    I love this post Jodie! I’m sorry to hear about your breakdowns 🙁 reading this has made me realise that I need to take care of myself more and step back from life. It’s so easy to get stuck in the “life routine” and forget that you’re only human, we’re allowed to slow down and deserve a break every now and again

    Fran | http://www.franciscarockey.co.uk

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      July 5, 2018 / 8:38 pm

      Thank you my love, it really is so important, but SO easy to forget when you just get carried away with work! x

  13. July 28, 2018 / 2:13 pm

    Thank you for being open about the conscious effort you are taking to be happier. Sometimes I get so caught up in this plan I create to achieve various goals and be productive, but don’t even realize how packed and unrealistic it is.
    | RogueCouture.weebly.com |

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      August 1, 2018 / 8:19 pm

      Thank you so much! It’s so important to just take a step back and just breathe for a while x

  14. August 11, 2018 / 2:24 pm

    Your experience is almost identical to mine. I am a total introvert who constantly over analyzes and over thinks everything. It’s the smallest and most inconsequential things that tend to commendere my brain, it seems. You are hardly alone in this, however. I just wanted to let you know that.

    • Jodiedcmitchell
      Author
      August 12, 2018 / 9:55 pm

      Thank you so much Thomas, that really means a lot to me for you to say, I know these things can be difficult to talk about x

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